A single word.
A word that they wanted to strive for, to uphold, to motivate them throughout the upcoming year.
I never wrote about it, but I chose a word as well: LIVE.
I want to LIVE in 2011. As my dad's illness continues to progress, I struggle with the realization that life is truly but a breath. I don't want to take a single moment for granted and I want to enjoy life. I want to live in 2011.
As a new life grows inside of me during this time, I realize that I am surrounded by newness in this life. New restoration in my marriage. New hope for the days to come. New life.
And for a girl like myself, a rule follower to every degree... living can become the challenge. I have lived my first 33 years trying to make sure that everything was done correctly. Always earning the A in the class. Always considering the ramifications of my actions. Always trying to follow the rules... in the hopes that life would be fair in return. Within the rule follower, I have discovered that there is the unspoken thought, "If I play by the rules, then life will be safe. If I obey, then I will not get hurt."
I have played by the rules, and life has not been safe. Life has been scary - actually horrifying at moments. I played by the rules, and I have still faced infidelity, loss of income, loss of home, and dad's horrible illness. Yet, I have also found that playing by the rules prepared me, discipled me, convicted me during every terrifying moment. So, my goal is not to stop playing by the rules. My dream is to LIVE life to the full within those very rules. Within the context of striving to be sanctified (to be a Godly woman) is it possible to just sit back and enjoy every moment... not fearing what tomorrow may bring?
And so, I haven't written a lot since January. I haven't written, but oh, how I have been living. Soaking in a warm bed on a Saturday morning, traveling with dear friends for a weekend of skiing, laying still with my hands on my belly and enjoying every kick from our growing baby. Laughing out loud at my four-year-old's jokes. Enjoying every second of James and Austin wrestling together at night. Praising God for the coziness of our tiny apartment. Trying to take any moment to visit my parents out of town and enjoying them while I am there. Eating a huge piece of dad's birthday cake because I am just so thankful for the celebration of his 60 years. Dressing like a pirate because that is just the thing to do when you are a four year old boy... living my life.
For He (Jesus) came that I would have LIFE and LIVE it to the full.
And so I look for the balance in 2011... but mostly importantly, I have made my choice: to live.
Just some of the living that we have been doing lately:
I am so in love with this man!
The whole family just sitting and laughing and enjoying Dad's 60th birthday!
Eating cake!
Going to pirate birthday parties!
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