Sometimes Words are Needed

The past six months of our lives have been topsy-turvy and upside down. This blog has become a scrapbook of sorts of pictures for Austin while I have written other thoughts in journals and private places. Writing in itself has always been so healing for me, but there are so many things that I am just not ready for the whole world wide web to know about me!

Six months ago, we moved back to Florida to live with my parents. The reasons for that move would become secondary as I would discover our primary purpose here in town - to be with family. Just a few short weeks ago, my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow). In less than a month, he will enter the hospital for a bone marrow/ stem cell transplant. The doctors plan for him to be in the hospital for at least three to four weeks at that time. There is no other place in the world that I would want to be during this time in my family's life.

Our friends and family have been a constant support system during a very difficult time, and when James was offered a job in Florida, we knew that it was time to put our beloved Texas home on the market. Less than a month after listing our home, we were thrilled to agree to a closing date and started making preparations for the big move.

Last week we flew to Texas to pack up a home filled with so many amazing memories. Our friends stood by our sides as we packed and loaded a huge budget truck. Friends... a precious seminary friend who I hadn't seen in five years to my next door neighbors. They came. They helped me pack my house and within hours I stood looking at boxes ready to be loaded onto the truck. This is one of the rare times in my life when I am at a loss for how to tell someone how much I appreciate them. How individuals truly become the gospel of Christ for me at times when I am hurting the most.

Hurt... there has been too much of it over the past six months. Many of my friends used the new year as a time to reminisce and do a yearly wrap up from their blog. I wasn't ready. I still am not ready to reminisce some of the pain from 2009. But, I know that I am ready for fresh beginnings, for second chances, and for all of the ashes to be turned into beauty in the years to come.

I have restrained hope for this year. Am I allowed to even put that adjective before the word hope? Restrained for I know that the process ahead will be painful and difficult. My dad will enter chemo. They will harvest his stem cells, and I will watch him become ill. Very ill. I am not the same woman I was six months ago. I will be changed even more in the six months to come. But one thing I know. He is faithful. As I look back over the past six months, I am grateful for a God who guided our steps. A Savior who allowed me to enter rest at my parents' home. For the provision God granted by selling a home in Texas and starting life again in Florida - to be here with my family.

A precious friend wrote me today about provision - it is God's provision for only he can see the future (proVISION). He will continue to provide in ways that I don't understand at the moment, but will cherish in retrospect.

In college, I claimed a verse: Hebrews 10:23. I have often searched for another verse to become my theme verse for that stage of time. Nothing, however, has ever seemed appropriate... because nothing has ever described Him better to me.

And so today... I will continue "to hold unswervingly to the Hope I profess, for He who Promised IS FAITHFUL." Hebrews 10:23.